[There's no sloth that delivers this mail. Some miscreant has stopped by in the dead of night to hand-place a piece of folded paper in your mailbox. They were even considerate enough to flip the red mail-flippy-thing up, to alert you to your "gift". After unfolding the paper, there is a picture drawn on it:]
[How did this weird person find out where you live? Probably by stalking you, or something creepy like that. Who knows.]
Experiments and further investigations of Berael (provided we find her) seem to be back on, which is to say I have tentatively patched things up with Saphir.
I think he realises he's been a dreadful tit, but thank you for your help.
I do think we're a lot more like him than either of us would like, given some of the things he's said, but I think he'll ... correct his opinions. And I'd rather not lose an extra pair of hands, given that neither of us are as good with things made of metal as he is.
Regarding Berael, I have no bloody idea, dearest. Maybe she's hibernating? Do frogs do that? I'm not an expert in amphibians at all.
It's merely a hypothetical. Look, I know you're, er, soured on him now, but I like him and I insist on dragging him along. You'll just have to learn to forgive people their idiotic opinions, especially since he's changed his mind, else I would not have gone back to him.
I think I saw her on top of your mailbox last, actually, but I don't remember when. Before the snow, that's for sure. Bloody frog. We should have made a copy.
For goodness' sake stop addressing my letters with pet names! I'm starting to think you put them in the wrong box and they aren't meant for me at all.
Drag him along if you must, then. And he had best have changed his mind, or I refuse to be responsible for Ienzo's inevitable actions. Or for cleaning out the bites.
What what she doing there? And I'm not sure there being two of her would materially improve the situation.
Look, it's just an affectation. I swear to the Lord, you're almost worse than that shortarse that's been wandering around spying on everyone. I'm not going to give you invert cooties simply by addressing you with a pet name! Dear Lord.
I assure you, Saphir has changed his mind and apologised and I believe that he's seen the error of his ways. I promise I'll deal with him myself if he shows any more idiotic opinions. No need to involve Ienzo again.
I have no idea what Berael was doing on your mailbox. She doesn't talk.
Good grief! Of course you aren't going to give me, quote, "invert cooties", end quote, and I would be insulted if the idea weren't so patently preposterous. But I have a name, which I appreciate it when people use. Especially so I know they haven't managed to mis-deliver their letters.
I wouldn't involve Ienzo on purpose, unless the situation truly warranted it. But I wouldn't put it past him to involve himself, either.
What could she possibly want with my mailbox? She's a frog!
Usually, when people complain about my affectations and affect, it's because I am, not to put too fine a point on it, a flaming ponce and they feel vaguely creeped out, because a man in makeup is a crime against the gods or some similar preposterous idiocy. I am very glad to discover that you don't subscribe to such notions, but I am on edge.
I don't know what she could want with your mailbox, but she might be able to read. that would be ... awkward to say the least. I suppose we better go find her, sometime soon. Maybe she's at the pond?
We're going to have to devise a way of keeping her in a tank most of the time, since I now have a cat and while I'm sure she's a sweetheart, cats meeting small, fast-moving things only ends in heartbreak for everyone.
Fine, I accept that you have reason to make the assumption. Nevertheless, it is objectively ridiculous. And I have no objections to any aspect of your affectations except the allergy to vocative proper nouns. What did they ever do to you? Anyway, it's technically inaccurate to call everyone "dearest". Superlatives don't work that way.
I don't think she's at the pond. Though perhaps you had better double check, as she evidently dislikes me for some reason. She could be hiding for reasons of her own.
I think some things are just ... lost in translation and in any case, it's a verbal tic at this point! I might as well try to stop blinking. So, darling, you'll just have to learn to cope with my verbal quirks.
I'll look at the pond and maybe ask around, in case someone's pet decided to try and snack on her. You never know with dogs and there are two around. And I distrust Eddie's ... whatever the hell that feline is. Hellcat, perhaps?
The cat -- she's a kitten, really -- was a present from Saphir. Or rather, an apology. He wished for a creature that I would find agreeable, to keep me company. She's very friendly, if, ah. Loud.
I was always interested in promoting sensible legal practices. For, I must reiterate, my definition of sensible.
But I agree. Murder in small groups like this is unlikely to end well. (Even for those not actively engaged in being murdered.) There needs to be some kind of structure established to handle it.
1 W1LL B3 M4K1NG 4N 4NNOUNC3M3NT SOON D3T41L1NG HOW TH1S 1S GO1NG TO WORK
1 F1GUR3 TH4T ST4RT1NG W1TH 4 B4S1C DO NOT HURT OTH3R P3OPL3 SHOULDNT OFF3ND YOUR LOG1C4L S3NS1B1L1T13S TOO MUCH? W3 C4N F1GUR3 OUT WH3R3 TO GO FROM TH3R3 ONC3 W3 G3T 3V3RYON3 TOG3TH3R
[Even will find the following threatening letter in the mailbox should it be checked.]
Well, well, well! Hullo, me scallywags. Ye’ve been visited by the Great and Terrible Slothnapping Pirates! Have ye got a care for that? A single bit of worry to ye, cully? Vitriol and venom ‘s what we got planned fer your Mailsloth.
Each hair on her head’ll be plucked, aye. Ye’ll find a mat of pink is all that’s left of her. Or will ye? Unless ye follow me clues below, ye’ll find out first hand!
Round the walls ye’ll need to go. First head clockwise nice and slow. And when ye reach the place ye started Ye’ll ken why slothy's brokenhearted.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2013-11-13 07:00 am (UTC)[How did this weird person find out where you live? Probably by stalking you, or something creepy like that. Who knows.]
january 2 communication, hand-delivered
Date: 2014-01-21 02:01 am (UTC)Experiments and further investigations of Berael (provided we find her) seem to be back on, which is to say I have tentatively patched things up with Saphir.
I think he realises he's been a dreadful tit, but thank you for your help.
JTZ
hand-delivered likewise
Date: 2014-01-22 11:21 pm (UTC)Must we?
Also how in the world does a frog that size hide around here in the middle of winter?
Even
still hand-delivered, because the mail sloth is slow
Date: 2014-01-22 11:25 pm (UTC)I do think we're a lot more like him than either of us would like, given some of the things he's said, but I think he'll ... correct his opinions. And I'd rather not lose an extra pair of hands, given that neither of us are as good with things made of metal as he is.
Regarding Berael, I have no bloody idea, dearest. Maybe she's hibernating? Do frogs do that? I'm not an expert in amphibians at all.
JTZ
the stomping back and forth will continue until further notice
Date: 2014-01-22 11:30 pm (UTC)He had better. Were you planning on something made of metal, or is it simply a hypothetical?
I could make an extra pair of hands.
I believe they do, though that should make her easier to find if she isn't moving about. When did you last see her?
Even
Re: the stomping back and forth will continue until further notice
Date: 2014-01-22 11:33 pm (UTC)It's merely a hypothetical. Look, I know you're, er, soured on him now, but I like him and I insist on dragging him along. You'll just have to learn to forgive people their idiotic opinions, especially since he's changed his mind, else I would not have gone back to him.
I think I saw her on top of your mailbox last, actually, but I don't remember when. Before the snow, that's for sure. Bloody frog. We should have made a copy.
JTZ
no subject
Date: 2014-01-22 11:41 pm (UTC)For goodness' sake stop addressing my letters with pet names! I'm starting to think you put them in the wrong box and they aren't meant for me at all.
Drag him along if you must, then. And he had best have changed his mind, or I refuse to be responsible for Ienzo's inevitable actions. Or for cleaning out the bites.
What what she doing there? And I'm not sure there being two of her would materially improve the situation.
Even
delivered january 4-ish, after the encounter with dustin
Date: 2014-01-22 11:46 pm (UTC)Look, it's just an affectation. I swear to the Lord, you're almost worse than that shortarse that's been wandering around spying on everyone. I'm not going to give you invert cooties simply by addressing you with a pet name! Dear Lord.
I assure you, Saphir has changed his mind and apologised and I believe that he's seen the error of his ways. I promise I'll deal with him myself if he shows any more idiotic opinions. No need to involve Ienzo again.
I have no idea what Berael was doing on your mailbox. She doesn't talk.
JTZ
no subject
Date: 2014-01-22 11:56 pm (UTC)Good grief! Of course you aren't going to give me, quote, "invert cooties", end quote, and I would be insulted if the idea weren't so patently preposterous. But I have a name, which I appreciate it when people use. Especially so I know they haven't managed to mis-deliver their letters.
I wouldn't involve Ienzo on purpose, unless the situation truly warranted it. But I wouldn't put it past him to involve himself, either.
What could she possibly want with my mailbox? She's a frog!
no subject
Date: 2014-01-23 12:01 am (UTC)Usually, when people complain about my affectations and affect, it's because I am, not to put too fine a point on it, a flaming ponce and they feel vaguely creeped out, because a man in makeup is a crime against the gods or some similar preposterous idiocy. I am very glad to discover that you don't subscribe to such notions, but I am on edge.
I don't know what she could want with your mailbox, but she might be able to read. that would be ... awkward to say the least. I suppose we better go find her, sometime soon. Maybe she's at the pond?
We're going to have to devise a way of keeping her in a tank most of the time, since I now have a cat and while I'm sure she's a sweetheart, cats meeting small, fast-moving things only ends in heartbreak for everyone.
JTZ
no subject
Date: 2014-01-23 12:12 am (UTC)Fine, I accept that you have reason to make the assumption. Nevertheless, it is objectively ridiculous. And I have no objections to any aspect of your affectations except the allergy to vocative proper nouns. What did they ever do to you? Anyway, it's technically inaccurate to call everyone "dearest". Superlatives don't work that way.
I don't think she's at the pond. Though perhaps you had better double check, as she evidently dislikes me for some reason. She could be hiding for reasons of her own.
When did you acquire a cat? Or is it vice versa?
Even
no subject
Date: 2014-01-23 12:15 am (UTC)I think some things are just ... lost in translation and in any case, it's a verbal tic at this point! I might as well try to stop blinking. So, darling, you'll just have to learn to cope with my verbal quirks.
I'll look at the pond and maybe ask around, in case someone's pet decided to try and snack on her. You never know with dogs and there are two around. And I distrust Eddie's ... whatever the hell that feline is. Hellcat, perhaps?
The cat -- she's a kitten, really -- was a present from Saphir. Or rather, an apology. He wished for a creature that I would find agreeable, to keep me company. She's very friendly, if, ah. Loud.
JTZ
no subject
Date: 2014-02-06 06:45 pm (UTC)4R3 YOU ST1LL 1NT3R3ST3D 1N PROMOT1NG S3NS1BL3 L3G4L PR4CT1C3S?
1 4M B31NG S3R1OUS TH1S T1M3
SOM3TH1NG N33DS TO B3 DON3 B3FOR3 TH3 V1OL3NC3 1N TH1S TOWN 3SC4L4T3S TO MURD3R
L3T M3 KNOW 1F YOU W4NT TO B3 4 P4RT OF TH1S
S1NC3R3LY
T3R3Z1 PYROP3
no subject
Date: 2014-02-06 10:56 pm (UTC)I was always interested in promoting sensible legal practices. For, I must reiterate, my definition of sensible.
But I agree. Murder in small groups like this is unlikely to end well. (Even for those not actively engaged in being murdered.) There needs to be some kind of structure established to handle it.
-Even
no subject
Date: 2014-02-07 01:22 am (UTC)GOOD TH3N W3 4R3 1N 4RG33M3NT
1 W1LL B3 M4K1NG 4N 4NNOUNC3M3NT SOON
D3T41L1NG HOW TH1S 1S GO1NG TO WORK
1 F1GUR3 TH4T ST4RT1NG W1TH 4 B4S1C
DO NOT HURT OTH3R P3OPL3
SHOULDNT OFF3ND YOUR LOG1C4L S3NS1B1L1T13S TOO MUCH?
W3 C4N F1GUR3 OUT WH3R3 TO GO FROM TH3R3
ONC3 W3 G3T 3V3RYON3 TOG3TH3R
T3R3Z1
Delivered the Morning of August 24th
Date: 2014-08-24 11:45 am (UTC)Well, well, well! Hullo, me scallywags. Ye’ve been visited by the Great and Terrible Slothnapping Pirates! Have ye got a care for that? A single bit of worry to ye, cully? Vitriol and venom ‘s what we got planned fer your Mailsloth.
Each hair on her head’ll be plucked, aye. Ye’ll find a mat of pink is all that’s left of her. Or will ye? Unless ye follow me clues below, ye’ll find out first hand!
Round the walls ye’ll need to go.
First head clockwise nice and slow.
And when ye reach the place ye started
Ye’ll ken why slothy's brokenhearted.
- The Slothnapping Pirates